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Winter Blues

It's been a really long time. Over a month I think since I've written. I guess you could say I've been uninspired, underwhelmed by books, by life these days. It's the dead of winter,  too cold to do anything outside, dry and too hot inside and no signs of life in nature. I'm always a little off this time of year and considering that I seriously injured my toe maybe even broke it, I'm really off right now. That's what I get for trying to be committed to yoga: one false slip of the foot moving into downward dog and I'm writhing in pain on my brand new mat. I guess I was about due for an injury...its been too long.
I just finished reading the wildly popular, "Gone Girl" and I was not impressed (see above). It was good but not the gripping masterpiece people seem to think it is. I think maybe therein lies the problem: too much hype. I couldn't help but be disappointed. There were times I was intrigued and it was a very fast paced book but I wanted more. I feel like that is a theme in my life lately: wanting more. Maybe I should feel content with what I have but for me its not enough. My job is just ho-hum and I'm interviewing for a second job at another gym and while it would be a very good strategic career move, it still isn't what I'm looking for. I don't want to work in a gym my whole life training The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I got into this business to help the less fortunate and those who are in desperate need of a health makeover. Where I am now and where I'm interviewing now isn't that. I know the goal should be making money so I can get myself out of debt but I'm never really been motivated to pick a career solely based on that. The main goal is for me to be happy because I've spent too much of my life being unhappy. How much longer do I have to wait for the right opportunity? Am I being selfish, too greedy, unrealistic? Maybe and after all most people settle but I'm not one of them, never have been. I'm also extremely restless because its winter and I'm stuck inside and my toe hurts and I'm cranky but you get the idea. I've spent so much of my life particularly in the last few years searching, making sacrifices to be content and to be happy and I'm still not there yet. I'm not naive enough to think that the perfect job is going to knock on my door any second because honestly I don't even know what that would look like right now but is it too much to ask not to be in such a grind all the time? Interviewing, searching, being anxious and stressed has encompassed far too much of my life. Its time to do something about that. Or maybe I just need a vacation.

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