words, words, words

So I'm kind of annoyed that they world didn't in fact end on Friday. I mean you would think with all the fuss made, it would have actually happened. The impending doomsday myth was splashed all over the news, all over TV and gabbed about over the proverbial water cooler. What is so amazing about it all is that people actually believed it would happen. Says a lot about the world we live in today. Fear sits in the cracks of our collective psyche. It's pretty sad actually but that is what the over abundance of technology has given us. We are over saturated with stories of doom and gloom. I have started to turn the channel when I see a tragedy because all it does is makes me anxious and nervous that it will happen to me. On this eve of Christmas I in no way want to feel stressed out and worried. I really have no big plans this Christmas. I guess once you stop being a kid and you don't have kids of your own, Christmas is a very different holiday. It is nice to spend time wit...

The thing that is on everyone's minds this week is of course the horrific shooting of 20 innocent children at a Connecticut elementary school. Since it happened a few short days ago, I've been feeling a mix of emotions: sadness, fear, anger and disgust to name a few. I think what bothers me the most about this shooting is of course the poor babies that had their life taken so soon but also its the fear and lost of trust I think we all feel now. This event is shocking yes but unfortunately nothing new. We just have to look at the holocaust to remind ourselves that children have been killed before for unimaginable reasons. A look back through history shows us that the innocent often suffer the brunt of psychopaths. How many wives and countless others that dared to disagree with him did Henry VIII send to the guillotine? How many slaves were lynched because someone didn't like their skin color? How many civilians died brutal deaths because there were in the path of wars? Murde...

Last night sitting in the glow of our tiny Christmas tree, I got homesick.  Not homesick for now but for when I was a little kid. Of course I miss my friends and family a little more around this time of year but last night I found myself transported back to Christmas's when I was young. There is something about multicolored lights on an evergreen that instantly brings me back home. Some of my clearest and fondest memories are of decorating the tree with my parents, watching corny Christmas shows on TV after getting home from school,  and filling stockings on Christmas Eve while we ate Chinese food and watched George Baily be railroaded by everyone he loved. Christmas is perhaps the most nostalgic time of year and I find myself trying to recreate the traditions of my past with my husband, We went to a lot and picked out a real tree this year and that woodsy, homey pine smell hit my nose and brought me to all of those times my Dad and I went tree hunting. I also want to have new...

It's official. I'm on the job hunt again. But didn't you just find a job not that long ago you ask? Why yes, I say I've been at this job for a tad over a year. Why are you looking to leave? You ask curiously. It has gone to hell, I answer with disgust. You may think I'm exaggerating because I have a penchant for doing that, but really I'm not. I offer proof: all  of the full time employees got a pay cut and the part time people got hours cut. If that wasn't enough, it is empty every night. Most nights lately I stand around looking dumb. Also, I had a little issue with another employee. I won't get into that but lets just say that I've never been one to take any shit no matter who you are. Today I sat at home for the third day in a row because I got a call to stay home from work. I tried to fight it but to no avail. I guess I just have to face facts: its back to square one. Well not really. This job did give me the necessary experience to find what I...

Thanksgiving has come and gone and with it a couple of extra pounds but lots of quality time with loved ones. I ate too much stuffing to account for and drank at least a glass of wine every day for a week which is something I just don't do anymore because my body rejects it violently. Gone are the days where I could drink a bottle of wine myself and get up to go to work the next day no worse for the wear. Just the thought of doing that now makes me nauseous.  Good thing there is a bit of down time before the next gorge fest: the all consuming Christmas season. I'm not going to be stressed this year - I'm going to eat, drink and be merry if it kills me. So I finally read a good book, "The Joy Luck Club." My sister Anne gave it to me and while I've obviously heard of it, I just never got around to reading it. It is the interwoven stories of several Chinese mothers and daughters spanning generations. It is about a mother's love for her children and the sacr...

Why? Why can't I find a book that wows me? Why? I just finished reading, The Mermaid Chair," by Sue Monk Kidd. I had high expectations because her first novel was, "The Secret Life of Bees" which in fact did wow me. I was hoping for more of the same with this book but I was sorely disappointed. Where her first novel was lyrical and imaginative and poignant, this one was flat, corny and very dull. For one, I hated the main character, Jessie. She was one dimensional and thoroughly unlikeable. The story begins with Jessie feeling restless in her marriage of 20 years. There is no real good reason why she is restless, she just is. For all intents and purposes she loves her husband and they have a great life together. She responds to this restlessness by having an affair with a monk of all people! Ok, lets back up to the feeling restless part: something I can totally relate to. I've always been the restless type but I fail to see how having an affair will solve that - ...

Lets see whats new? nothing actually. Work is work. Its not the greatest but its going, I'm still exercising a lot, doing yoga, reading lots of books, watching my favorite shows and trying to sleep a solid 8 hours every night. I'm back into my routine after a couple of weeks of chaos and its nice. I used to be the type of person who thrived on drama: I loved the unexpected, surprises and being impulsive. Life was too boring without drama and believe me I stirred it all up myself. I picked a job that by nature kept me on my toes, I dated many different men none of who kept my interest for very long until my husband came along and I jumped around to different apartments, different activities, different jobs, different friends. If you told me 10 years ago, I would be living in New Jersey, working as a personal trainer, happily married and embracing solitude and peace, I would have laughed for a very long time. Maybe things have changed for me simply because I'm older and wiser...

Hurricane Sandy, my trip to Boston and a big election....which one to talk about first? Since it is the night of the big vote, lets go there first: On this very close, very controversial election night, I am worried. I'm  not going to go all political here because that is just not what I do but I had to mention it because it is a big night for our country and I have some strong opinions but this is not the platform. I hate when people overtly voice their opinions without listening to the other side. I have some family members like this and it makes me a little nuts. I have always prided myself on being an open minded person and someone who considers all sides before making a decision. With that said, I hope Obama gets a second chance. Ah Hurricane Sandy...what did you do to us? We lost power for 4 days, couldn't fill up the gas tank for 7 days and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches too many times to count. Although I didn't sleep in my own bed for almost a week, missed...

Let's talk about books for a second. After all isn't this what this blog is supposed to be about? I started "Sister Carrie." I'm about 70 pages in and I just can't seem to keep going. I'm BORED. I say that loudly because the last book I read (stupid Faulkner) was also boring. Sometimes I really wonder how these books became classics. Maybe they were revolutionary for their time but now they just don't hold up. Shakespeare - he holds up. Others not so much. Its like trying to watch an 80's movie you loved as a kid - somehow a mermaid falling in love with Tom Hanks and 4 dorky men in white suits trying to rid the city of ghosts just doesn't cut it in 2012. Same for this book. It's about the industrial revolution in Chicago and while I find the topic interesting, so far nothing has happened to peek my interest enough to keep going. I suppose I'll still try but I'm sick of plugging away at books that I just don't enjoy. Life is too ...

I woke up Saturday morning at around 7 for work to my first real taste of fall. It was brilliant; a few red leaves were peeking out through the green in the tree across the road, the air was crisp and cool and the busy main road in front of our building was quiet. I love the morning, especially fall ones. In fact I hate mornings but I love them if that makes any sense. I hate waking up. I have a really hard time getting out of bed even when I'm fully rested. I like to rise leisurely stealing little moments of sleep while the coffee brews. But when I do have to get up early (the only times that happens is when I work and when I travel) I love the feel of morning. It is fresh, the air is clean and quiet and there are brand new moments yet to be experienced. I wish I had the will power to get up and enjoy it but if it hasn't happened by this point in my life, it won't until I hit my 70s or 80s when I'll only be sleeping 3 hours a night. I've learned to appreciate the l...

Lately, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life and what I really want. My job has not been going so well and it has gotten me a bit frustrated. I thought that by this point in my life I would be at least a little settled but yet I'm still struggling to find myself and what will truly make me feel happy and content. I didn't think at this age I would still be broke, still not know what I want to be when I grow up and still not be physically or emotionally stable. I've tried so many different jobs and yet that perfect one still eludes me. I know that I am not alone in this because most of the world feels this way but I am won't stop until I find the thing that truly lights my fire. There are so many things I love but is it possible to do all of it? I think it is and so I am putting out into the universe what my perfect life would look like: My husband and I would live in a condo or apartment that is walking distance from the ocean. (no houses because houses ...

I saw a few yellow leaves on the trees in the park today. It made me smile. Fall is on its way and after a whole lifetime of summer being my favorite season, I have switched my allegiance. I now love Fall above all. The heat which I used to let wash over me all summer long is now cloying and suffocating and the beach has become more of an annoyance than a something I enjoy. Not long ago, I used to sit on the beach for hours just letting the heat bake into my skin. Now, just the thought of that makes me cringe. I'll be lucky if I don't get skin cancer for all those years I prayed to that yellow ball of disease. I'm not sure why this has changed. Maybe its because the last few summers of my life have been nothing short of underwhelming and at times god awful. I was unemployed for 2 of them which meant no money to do things, another summer I was too far away from the beach to go easily and I was pretty lonely a lot of the time. With my husband working a lot, I was alone much o...

Its safe to say I am obsessed with my new project. This is typical of me: I get all gung ho about new projects and it consumes me for a week or two and then the interest dwindles. Call it my undiagnosed ADD. I really hope it doesn't happen this time. I'm relying on my sister Anne to keep me in check. We are working on this together so hopefully being accountable to someone will make me stick with it. I've done this my whole life: start something new, love it at first and then the excitement dwindles. Its the same thing with my current job. I was ecstatic the first few months: I was working in a new field, I wasn't unemployed anymore, I was meeting new people and I was good at the job. Now after almost a year, its gotten stale. I see the same people everyday, I give the same lectures about weight loss (no you cannot expect 20 pounds to come off in a week) and I'm making very little money. If I haven't stated this already: I get bored easily. That is why I'm h...

I am home from my weekend away in Boston and just as I predicted it did wonders for my attitude. It was one of the best trips home because it was busy without being too hectic. I got to sit by the ocean and eat lobster, drink wine overlooking the Boston skyline and spend quality time with my family. It also inspired a new project which I couldn't be more excited about. My sisters and I have decided to write a memoir about our family - specifically our grandparents. It came about for a few reasons the major one being that after my Uncle Al died this past April, it left my father with no siblings. He is the last of his generation and we got to thinking about how little we actually know about his childhood and the story of his parents. When I was born, my Grandfather Felix (my mothers father) was the only grandparent still alive and he was in his late 80s. I don't really remember him. Growing up, my parents never really talked about their parents or what it was like back then. I...

I've been a slacker lately, I know. My college English professor would be disappointed in me..."You must write everyday if you want to be a writer!" I can hear his voice in my head right now. He was one of my first inspirations and if he could see me now, he would shake his head and sigh. I don't want to disappoint him - I never did and so I am channeling his voice as I write.  I used to write every day religiously. Now, it seems my job has taken over my life and finding time to do what comes so naturally to me and brings me such happiness is getting tossed by the wayside. Its sad really. I know it sounds cliche but writing frees me. When I'm not consistent, I see a difference in the way I view life. Lately I've been angry. My husband tells me this so I guess its true. I think its because I haven't made time for creativity of the mind. My job is so physical - my world is in exercising the body but in that I've neglected to exercise the mind. When I...

I am back to reading real literature and it feels good. All of the books I ordered from Amazon have arrived and I chose to read "Tess of the D'Ubervilles" first. I have finished it and have many thoughts as usual. I picked this one first because I am already a fan of Thomas Hardy. I love his progressive take on social issues such as marriage, religion and the rules and regulations of being part of a community. He was alive and writing in the late 1890's/early 1900's which feels shocking when you read one of his books because his plot lines and characters are so forward thinking.  This particular novel addresses issues of social acceptance and the judgement that comes when someone does something outside the social norms of the time: in this case, its sex before marriage and having a child out of wedlock. Tess is a naive teenager living in a rural part of England with her poverty stricken family. When the family learns that they are descendents of a wealthy family, ...

I hate not having anything good to read. I went through all of my sappy, corny summer reading books and in desperation, I dusted off a crappy mystery novel that I had tried reading once and put down. I'm now reading it but I'm not necessarily enjoying it. I know that might sound crazy but to me reading something even if it stinks is better than not reading at all. It's like those little Easter egg shaped horrible gray colored chocolates -even though they are horrible, its still chocolate. I have read just about every single book in my house with the exception of one ridiculously long nutrition book and "Moby Dick" and I'm just not up to that challenge yet. So I have decided to go back to my original plan and start chipping away at the classics. I looked at my book list and bought several old one cent copies on Amazon and am now awaiting their arrival. I realize that one of the books on my reading list if one I already own - the aforementioned "Moby Dick,...

A converstaion between me and my husband last night.... Him: I have nothing to read Me: look around you....there are a milllion books in this house! Him: well, recommend something then Ok now this may seem like a very ordinary, very boring conversation but one of the things in life that gives me the most pleasure other than reading is recommending good books to people, especially someone like my husband who when I first met him, didn't really read a whole lot. Now, if he is without a book, he feels lost. I'm so thrilled that he has joined the world that I have inhabited for years - one where losing yourself in a good story is as important to life as breathing. Ok, so what did I recommend? The first book I eagerly pulled off the shelf was, "The Count of Monte Cristo." One of my favorites and one I think he will like because it is an adventure story::  but is is also filled with betrayal, intrigue, romance, revenge...it has the whole works! This is right up his all...

Happy Memorial Day weekend...the unofficial start of my favorite season. I feel weird putting happy into a holiday that is a remembrance of all those who died to keep this country safe but I'm putting in the happy in celebration of summer. YAY summer! This weekend was such a perfect weekend weather wise and in my life. I spent a lot of time outdoors and being active but also relaxing and enjoying 3 unexpected days off from work.  I played tennis, I went for runs, I ate ice cream, drank some wine, read some books and took lots of naps. The only thing missing was the beach which hopefully I will get to more times this year than last year and since the number to beat is 1, I think I got it in the bag. Since I'm not really reading anything of note, this post is simply a random cornucopia of what has been happening in my life recently.  Work is getting better every day and I'm  not one to brag but you are reading the post of June's employee of the month for the Club at Wood...

It's been a while. I feel like after reading the 5,000 plus pages of "A Song of Ice and Fire" I have nothing left to give. It sucked me dry. I'm not reading anything of note because I simply don't have the energy. Since I have finished that series, I have read 4 murder mystery type books that other than me looking over my shoulder in the shower, didn't illicit any kind of response in me. I told you, George R.R. Martin drained me dry. It may be another whole month until I'm ready to read anything serious. I tried picking up "Pillars of the Earth" which my aunt in law (is that a technical term, I wonder?) gave me but I just can't seem to get into it so I'm putting it aside in hopes of coming back to it with a fresher attitude since she told me it was one of her favorites. When someone I love and respect tells me that, it deserves more than a cursory, half assed read.  The weather is finally getting nicer and because of that, I will be outsi...

 5,000 pages read in roughly a month and I am DONE in my ways than one with "The Song of Ice and Fire" series.  I've kind of had it with these books to be perfectly honest. I really enjoyed the first three  in the series and then it took a very sharp nose dive. I believe I have previously expressed my frustration with the fact that for many, many, many pages nothing of note happens - the author is more long winded than my college Shakespeare professor who actually succeed in putting another professor to sleep one day during a particularly grueling lecture on Henry V. Well,  George R. R. Martin manages to up his game in books 4 and 5. If you thought the first 3 books were frustrating, you aint seen nothing yet! I really wanted to throw book 5, "A Dance with Dragons" against the wall in hopes that a few thousand pages would just miraculously fall out. I read several reviews from fans to see if I was over reacting and much to my delight, I am not. But I kinda alrea...

I had kind of a delightful thing happen this week. One of my students sent me an email out of the blue and before I tell you what was contained in that email, I will give you a bit of a back story on this particular boy. I met him when he was in the 6th grade about 6 years ago. He was for lack of a better term: a problem child. He is and was a very bright kid but had a lot of anger issues and didn't apply himself in the least. He would walk into my classroom some days and just throw his book bag across the room as far as he could. My staff wanted him kicked out my program because no one could handle him - he would get sent to my office for behavior problems at least 2x a week if not more but I loved this kid. I knew he had potential and a wisdom beyond his years and at the risk of sounding too "Dangerous minds," he just needed someone to root for him. Well, guess who that turned out to be? We formed a solid bond and he stayed put in our program for the next 3 years. When...

I've made a decision about my life: I'm going to stop being the crabby pants I was all winter and try to enjoy life a little more. I've been in a perpetual state of stress for about 2 years. If this is what being a real adult feels like, than I want to go back to being a kid, pimples, awkward chubbiness and all. . It seems that over the last couple of years, life has sucked some of my child like joy from me. I used to have so much fun all the time and lately I've been living in the past; dwelling on all the fun I USED to have. I have become what I said I would never in a million trillion years become: boring. It might has well be a four letter word but seriously, I am b-o-r-i-n-g. I came to a realization last week and that is that I've been so damn focused on my career change, finding a decent job and providing my my family that I've lost sight of anything and everything else life has to offer. Even when I was in my most stressful job, I still managed to go out ...

Before I begin my usual sarcastic and often snarky book commentary, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the passing of my Uncle Al, a WWII war hero, a father of two amazing daughters, the only brother to my Dad and an overall great man. He was 90 so his passing is no big surprise but he was the last remaining sibling of my Dad's and there is something so sad in that. I can't imagine how I would feel being the last of my clan living. I guess there comes a time in life where death is an accepted, inevitable thing but I'm certainly not at that point in my mind. I'm glad he had a long, prosperous life and passed surrounded by the people who loved him most. I guess you can't really ask for a better way to go. Seeing so many young people pass in my life has made me feel grateful when someone who has lived a long life passes in such a peaceful fashion. Rest well, my dear Uncle Alby, you were loved. Now onto the book...I have finished the second book in the "A Son...

I started reading the as of now 5 book series, "A Song of Fire and Ice," by George R.R. Martin. Usually I don't start reading an unfinished series (it will eventually be 7 books but the last 2 have yet to be written) because I despise being left hanging but as I wrote in my previous post, I HAD to start because my in laws are all ahead of me in this series. It was either start reading so I could be involved in the conversations or suck it up, wait it out and be pissed every time we have a family event. I just finished book 1, "A Game of Thrones" and am now onto book 2, "Clash of Kings." Before I start getting into what I think about the books so far, let me just start by saying that they are long. I mean loooonnnngggg. The second book is close to 1,000 pages. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy long books because I'm a ridiculously fast reader and so I like being able to spend a little more time with a book that I enjoy, but having said that, th...

I have to start off by saying thank you to our good friend Tufo and my lovely mother in law for giving me some books that will keep my sanity in check and my busy mind occupied. I just finished reading James Patterson's new Alex Cross novel and it was just ok like every one of his novels has been for the past 5 or so years. I love the Alex Cross books but in recent years, the author has gotten lazy in his writing. It even feels as if the character has taken on the persona of the author. Back in the early 2000s, all of his books were page turners with some seriously shocking endings. Now I feel like he is mailing it in. I think this is what happens to writers who are so prolific and popular with mainstream audiences. Readers want more and so the author feels forced churn it out as quickly as possible often sacrificing quality for quickness. In this money driven, more is more society it is unfortunate that good writing gets sacrificed. Even though I still read these books, they are ...

I am still not reading anything worthwhile and its starting to annoy me. Thank you to my two sisters who gave suggestions, one of which was a little ridiculous (I'm talking about yours Anne!) but never the less, I am grateful. Part of the reason I'm not reading is lack of time. Work has been really busy the last couple of weeks and it is causing me to have very little energy left when I come home and instead of doing the right and good thing of reading a book before bed, I've been opting to stare at the TV instead which is eventually going to cause premature and permanent brain stupidity. I also think reading all of those depressing stories made me retreat into light, slapstick comedies before bed so as to avoid tossing and turning to the sounds of air raid sirens and gunfire that filled my foggy, restless sleep. Watching reruns of "Seinfeld," "Curb your Enthusiasm" and "The Big Bang Theory" is lulling me into a mindless, hazy sleep filled with...

I ask this question because if I read another bring me down, why is life even worth living, I'm too miserable to even lift my head off my pillow type of novel, I might just become a character in one of these blasted books. I guess its a widely known fact that art equals angst but does it have to be so dang depressing all the time? Is an uplifting story just too much to ask for? Obviously you know how "The Book Thief" ends and it ain't all puppies and roses I can assure you that. It honestly might be the saddest book I've ever read or maybe I say that because everything I have read recently has been particularly gloomy, and I'm at my maximum capacity for heartache(add in the fact that after my beloved Patriots lost the Superbowl, and we are just about at the breaking point.) What really did I expect from a Holocaust book? Honestly, I'll have to fall on my own sword here because I knew what I was getting in to. Actually, this isn't always true: I have ...

I have a case of the winter blues. It doesn't matter that it is 60 degrees out today - don't be fooled people, it is still winter and that nasty thing called cold is lying in wait getting ready to attack. This weather is such a tease and I'm no fool -I know that snow is still inevitable. I hate this time of year: the dreariness, the slushy sidewalks, the brown grass and barren trees and of course the lack of anything to do. I really do get depressed this time of year and now I'm sick with a bad cold which is making me extremely grumpy, not to mention lazy. I've had no energy for anything these past few days - just sleep and work thanks to heavy dosages of dayquil. My phone also up and died on me which is kind of awesome because I've never been a big fan of the cell phone but I realize in this day and age its a necessity so in that way it kind of sucks to not have one. Note to self: back up people's phone numbers next time. What a fun process it is turning o...

So my beloved Patriots made the Superbowl again. I couldn't be more thrilled although it is a little bittersweet for me not being in Boston during this time. Some of my favorite memories of the last 8 years involve the Patriots and Red Sox - it is so much fun to be a fan in your city when your team is doing well. There is a camaraderie that exists amongst strangers during the playoffs that is absent the rest of the year - people on the subway nod to you if you are wearing your teams hat or jersey, parents picking up their kids from school exchange a few words when they would normally stay silent, people smile more and life feels just a tiny bit easier for a while. With the exception of the last 2 years, I have watched just about every Patriot playoff game at a bar with friends. It is such a fun experience - the collective crowd cheering and booing at choice moments, people high fiving each other and beer flowing freely. I've had some of the best moments of my life watching the...

I hate winter. Let me just put that out there. It's dreary, bone chilling and boring as hell. Every winter my husband and I hibernate. We play computer games and find new shows to watch while drinking tea and cuddling with the cats. Its almost mind numbingly dull at times but what is the alternative? I'm not a winter sport type of gal and I can get pretty mean when I'm cold (or tired or hungry) so that doesn't leave me room for much excitement in January and February. So it is just work, computer games, working out and reading right now. I'm so boring, I might just doze off writing this. Thankfully, I've gotten into the books I'm reading. Last time I wrote, I was really frustrated with the first book in the "Chaos Walking" series but I am now on book number three and I have to say that it has gotten a lot better and the author seems to be tying things together pretty well. The biggest problem for me in this series is the sheer amount of violence an...