words, words, words

The other day I was doing a guided meditation and about 7 minutes in, I found myself thinking, "this is such crap!" I shut it off and went about my day. This sort of scared me but got me thinking about how I have yet to find a balance between being spiritual and being human. For a while I was trying to be loving and kind and positive all the time. When something shitty would happen, I would take some deep breathes, center myself and move on but after a while of doing this, I realized that I wasn't allowing the emotions I was feeling at the time to flow through me and release. Recently, I've been getting angry at everything. I feel less than spiritual let me tell you. I was making potatoes last night and when I shook the pepper into it, the whole container dumped into the mixture essentially ruining the potatoes I had just spent over 45 minutes baking. I had to fight not to throw the pepper across the room. I took a few moments and then asked my husband calmly for help...

Yesterday I had a breakdown. A legitimate crying, blubbering, screaming mess of a breakdown. I had another run in with the executive director of my company. She persists in treating me as if I am a child that is hard of hearing. She has no respect for me or for any of her employees and it finally got to me. I snapped at her and then when I got home, I lost it to my husband who was more than understanding and supportive. I am tired of taking shit from people who have no understanding or caring of others. The way she was treating me was reminiscent of the way my husbands boss used to treat him and that situation caused a chain of events that we are still recovering from. Whatever was building inside me over the last few months or even years let loose in a barrage of emotion last night. I have to say that it felt very cleansing and liberating. Cleansing because releasing emotion that has been bottled up for so long is always a good thing and liberating because I realized that no matter th...

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is when people who are in positions of power look down on anyone they deem "below" them. This is a topic I get very upset about for many reasons. I was taught by my parents that everyone should be treated equally not matter the color of their skin, the size of their bank account or the country they call home.  Because of how I was raised, I would like to say that I am not prejudiced or judgmental but that would be a lie..I definitely have a prejudice against people in positions of power that abuse it and people who have money and act as if they are better than everyone because of it.  Something happens to the ego when one gains power - it explodes. In yoga and meditation, we are taught to let go of the ego and connect to our higher selves - ego is destructive and earth bound - lack of ego is a connection to our divine side. This resonates with me so powerfully because I have seen the path of destruction ego can create. It is blinding. I am...

The buzzword of the moment seems to be mindfulness. Everywhere I turn, there is mention of this - in the podcasts I listen to, in the articles I read, in my guided meditations and during yoga. It means essentially staying present in every moment and not projecting your mind into thoughts of the past or future. This is extremely challenging. I am struggling with this lately. My mind has been obsessing over what steps I want to take in my life next but also what mistakes I have made in my past that have gotten me to the present moment. I haven't been meditating as much lately and that is one of the reasons why my mind seems to be wandering so much. It is not being trained properly. I have also only done yoga 2x this week which is highly unusual for me. I have been mentally and emotionally exhausted and so because of this I have neglected many of the things that typically keep me sane. I am trying not to beat myself up over my lack of motivation but it is where my mind goes when I am ...