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"Beautiful Ruins"

"The Italian looks from Claire to Shane and back again. 'Dee Moray' he says...And Claire feels a tug in her chest, some deeper shift, a cracking of her hard-earned cynicism, of this anxious tension she's been fighting. The actress's name means nothing to her, but the old guy seems utterly changed by saying it aloud, as if he hasn't said the name in years. Something about the name affects her, too - a crush of romantic recognition, those words, moment and forever - as if she can feel fifty years of longing in that one name, fifty years of an ache that lies dormant in her too, maybe lies dormant in everyone until it's cracked open like this - so weighted in this moment she has to look to the ground or else feel the tears burn her own eyes, and at that moment Claire glances at Shane, and sees that he must feel it, too, the name hanging in the air for just a moment...among the three of them...and then floating to the floor like a falling leaf, the Italian watching it settle, Claire guessing, hoping, praying the old Italian will say the name once again, more quietly this time - to underline its importanct, the way its so often done in scripts - but he doesn't  do this."

This is a excerpt from a book I just finished called, "Beautiful Ruins," by Jess Walter. To sound redundant, it was a beautiful book. At the heart of the book lies two characters who meet in a tiny fishing village in Italy in the 1960s. The story spans decades and includes many more characters but the soul of the book  surrounds thse two. He is a young college student caring for his ailing mother after his father just died and she is a B list Hollywood star sent to the island by a A list Hollywood actor who impregnated her. It is a love story without being overt, sappy or cliche. Rare to find these days. It is about how love can change who you are and who you will become. Its about regrets big and small and its about passing of time in one's life. But mostly its about moments and memories- how one moment can change the rest of your life and how one memory can haunt your mind . It doesn't focus on the big marque moments like the birth of a child or a wedding or graudation day but rather on the innocuous drifting moments of our lives that are seemingly meaningless but when looking back meant everything. Each memory isn't big and sweeping, they are tiny and fleeting but hugely impactful. This line from the book clearly demonstrates this: "Then she smiled, and in that instant, if such a thing were possible, Pasquale fell in love, and he would remain in love for the rest of his life- not so much with the woman, whom he didn't even know, but with the moment."  In this single moment, everything seemed alright with the world. Every have a day where you look up a sky so blue it blinds you and the air has just the slightest hint of a chill amidst the warmth and the sun touches your skin just so and in those few seconds everything feels perfect? I think this is what the author is getting at - the idea that every day has the potential for these glorious discoveries and they are what make the mundane routine of  life, the hardships, trials and sorrows all seem worth it. 

I'm in love with this concept because its such a lovely one - that any moment no matter how insignicifant, matters in the whole picture of our lives. When we are old and look back, every little piece of the puzzle will have told the story of our life: the pieces may be black and white, brilliantly red and gold and blue, a corner piece or a jaggedly complex middle one but they all fit and in the end a truly unique portrait is left to remind us of everything we have done, seen, heard cried, laughed and loved through.  I obviously really connected to this book and its message. I'm clearly a person that dwells a lot on the big moments in life and I often wonder and worry about if what I have made of my life and myself is enough. Enough for who? well I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I'm trying to prove and to who. When I look back on the puzzle of my life I want it to be full to bursting with passion and love and adventure and fearlessness. I guess I worry that it will be muted by too many missed opportunities and chances I didn't take. Regrets. This book also is about regrets and how we can let the things we regret overrun the happiness and joy. I never want to be that person. I fight every day against it. I think we all do. No one wants to drown in a sea of what ifs so I try not to dwell. I don't have many regrets I have to say. I have also been one to take chances precisely so that I won't have so many question marks in my life but of course there are some.I think there is a message here too about the dangers of regret and longing. The main character obviously held onto his memories of one moment for his entire life but did it change him for the better or did the longing for that long ago memory eat him up inside? I think the answer is both. It is a dangerous road we travel when we allow ourselves to dwell in the past too much - we start glorifying it and remembering it in a way that suits us while conveniently forgetting the hurt that came along with it. Or we remember the hurt too much and let ourselves be overcome with grief rather than remembering all the good that came out of an event. Memories are funny things - they always seem to be shifting and changing with the passage of time to suit what our hearts and minds need at the time. I guess that is the beauty in them and I makes perfect sense that the title of this book  is, "Beautiful Ruins."

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