I'll be honest, I've been working on this one topic for almost 2 weeks now and I'm frustrated because I can't seem to get it right. I've been doing online research and having conversations about this because it is such a layered topic. I am attempting my fourth try at writing about this and it will not be perfect - it may not even be good but here is my attempt at defining what it means to be strong and more specifically a strong woman.
What is so challenging about this topic is that the definition can be so broad and it has been skewed and colored by society and pop culture examples. I had to crack a lot of layers to get to the core of what I believe true strength is. I chipped away at the facade of the poster child for strong female: tough, outspoken, confident, well dressed or in some way physically imposing, bad-ass, don't take no crap from nobody, I can do it all super woman. I hammered through the lens of brashness and boldness equating strength and then chiseled out the smooth underbelly of true, authentic strength which speaks in a much quieter voice- is an internal voice rather than an external shouting. These outward shows of strength are often just that - shows. Many people who have to announce their strength or toughness are deeply insecure. I have some people in my life like this - they are constantly posting things on Facebook about how bad ass they are...are they convincing others or themselves? I also know women who know everything about everything and love to tell you how smart or good they are at things...again who are they trying to convince? This kind of bluster is weakness masquerading as strength.True strength doesn't have to be announced - it doesn't have to put on a show. It is a quiet storm; a steady trickle of confidence. It knows it doesn't have to be bold to be heard.
Some of the ways in which strengths shows itself, in my opinion is in speaking your mind from a place of love rather than anger or fear or hate, setting boundaries that honor your time, learning from past experiences and being able to recognize your own growth and evolution, not allowing fear to dictate how you live your life, leaving a situation when it no longer serves you,taking good care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, taking risks, being able to laugh at yourself, being in touch with your emotions, recognizing when you can be independent and when you need help, admitting when you don't know something, be willing to change your mind, listening to others opinion thoughtfully and openly even if you disagree, giving without expectation and being able to still have hope in the grimmest of life's dark moments.
I don't believe this encompasses everything but these are the things I believe take real strength to do and be in this world. The more experiences we accumulate throughout life, the more we are likely to experience negativity and adversity and the more strength a woman possesses, the more she will come away from these with a softer heart and a kinder outlook. A weak woman will come away bitter, angry and resentful. Having said that though, I don't believe anyone can be strong all the time. The key to a truly strong person is knowing this. We all have weaknesses. None of us can be good at everything and we are not even good at some things all the time.
We are so bombarded with images of "strength" from magazines and youtube and instagram that it becomes overwhelming. If I see one more picture of a tiny woman with six pack abs doing an elaborate yoga pose with a caption that says, "look how bad ass she is," I think I will puke. It takes immense strength to struggle against society's image of what strength should look like and not only define it for ourselves but really live it.
I don't think I will ever get this definition quite right. Its why I took so long to write this post. I am still changing my mind about what I think it means to be a strong woman in this world. Check back in with me in a few months and see if this has changed. I bet it will. And lastly, do I believe I am a strong woman? Yes and no. I believe I am trying to be but if I have learned anything its that we are not any one thing all the time. My only hope is that I will always be a better version of myself than I was yesterday.
What is so challenging about this topic is that the definition can be so broad and it has been skewed and colored by society and pop culture examples. I had to crack a lot of layers to get to the core of what I believe true strength is. I chipped away at the facade of the poster child for strong female: tough, outspoken, confident, well dressed or in some way physically imposing, bad-ass, don't take no crap from nobody, I can do it all super woman. I hammered through the lens of brashness and boldness equating strength and then chiseled out the smooth underbelly of true, authentic strength which speaks in a much quieter voice- is an internal voice rather than an external shouting. These outward shows of strength are often just that - shows. Many people who have to announce their strength or toughness are deeply insecure. I have some people in my life like this - they are constantly posting things on Facebook about how bad ass they are...are they convincing others or themselves? I also know women who know everything about everything and love to tell you how smart or good they are at things...again who are they trying to convince? This kind of bluster is weakness masquerading as strength.True strength doesn't have to be announced - it doesn't have to put on a show. It is a quiet storm; a steady trickle of confidence. It knows it doesn't have to be bold to be heard.
Some of the ways in which strengths shows itself, in my opinion is in speaking your mind from a place of love rather than anger or fear or hate, setting boundaries that honor your time, learning from past experiences and being able to recognize your own growth and evolution, not allowing fear to dictate how you live your life, leaving a situation when it no longer serves you,taking good care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, taking risks, being able to laugh at yourself, being in touch with your emotions, recognizing when you can be independent and when you need help, admitting when you don't know something, be willing to change your mind, listening to others opinion thoughtfully and openly even if you disagree, giving without expectation and being able to still have hope in the grimmest of life's dark moments.
I don't believe this encompasses everything but these are the things I believe take real strength to do and be in this world. The more experiences we accumulate throughout life, the more we are likely to experience negativity and adversity and the more strength a woman possesses, the more she will come away from these with a softer heart and a kinder outlook. A weak woman will come away bitter, angry and resentful. Having said that though, I don't believe anyone can be strong all the time. The key to a truly strong person is knowing this. We all have weaknesses. None of us can be good at everything and we are not even good at some things all the time.
We are so bombarded with images of "strength" from magazines and youtube and instagram that it becomes overwhelming. If I see one more picture of a tiny woman with six pack abs doing an elaborate yoga pose with a caption that says, "look how bad ass she is," I think I will puke. It takes immense strength to struggle against society's image of what strength should look like and not only define it for ourselves but really live it.
I don't think I will ever get this definition quite right. Its why I took so long to write this post. I am still changing my mind about what I think it means to be a strong woman in this world. Check back in with me in a few months and see if this has changed. I bet it will. And lastly, do I believe I am a strong woman? Yes and no. I believe I am trying to be but if I have learned anything its that we are not any one thing all the time. My only hope is that I will always be a better version of myself than I was yesterday.
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