There is so much going on right now in my life and in the world. We are living in a very scary time. There are terrorist attacks happening all over the world and too often to feel safe. We also are in the midst of a racial war in this country. Black men are being shot by the police for no reason. I don't believe this is a new occurrence but now that we can record everything, we are more exposed to it. Our current presidential race is also contributing to this because the Republican front runner is a huge bigot and racist. People are angry and confused and upset. You can feel it in the air. I step onto the subway every day fearful of something happening. I live in New York City where there is certainly a higher possibility of some kind of attack happening and it is frightening. We can not always live with our flight or fight response activated in our bodies. It causes undue stress and leads to a society of unhealthy, fearful people. I also feel helpless as many people do right now. What can I do to cause social change? I don't really know the answer to that. The year I turned 26 was a horrible year. First the terrorist attacks of 9/11 happened and then within one year, 3 people I worked with - young people mind you, died of various causes. After the third death who happened to be a close friend, I was beside myself with anger, sadness and hopelessness. I didn't know what to do. I remember the day I heard he finally passed of a cancer that ate away at his healthy 31 year old athletes body, I was walking home with my roommate openly crying. I ran into a friend who was a bartender at our local watering hole and he stopped to console me. As he was hugging me, I told him that I didn't know what to do; that I just felt so lost and hopeless. He pulled away from me, looked me in the eyes and said, "Jen, just keep spreading the love." I have never forgotten that because it was the simplest statement yet it felt so profound. Here it is 14 years later and I still remember that encounter like it was yesterday. He was right. Sometimes the only answer is to open your heart and love. Love the people who are mean to you because they are scared. Love the cop who shot an innocent black man because he is ignorant. Love the black man that was shot because he didn't deserve to die. Love the people close to you because you don't know when will be the last time you will see them. Love all the animals in the world because they are innocent and pure. Love yourself because the love you show yourself will radiate out in the world. The answer to hate is never more hate; it is love.
I am trying to be more loving not only to others but to myself. The only way I know how to do this is to continue to do things that make me feel happy and fulfilled. I started my volunteer job at the ASPCA and nothing has ever felt more right to me. My love for animals has evolved over the years and my conviction to love and protect them has never felt stronger. It has helped me deal with the every day annoyances of life better. I am also reading a lot of books. That is always another thing that has consistently brought joy to my life. I used to watch TV every night but now its usually yoga, followed by meditation and then a good book before my early bed time. I look forward to that ritual because it is not only calming but helping me to become a better me. I am reading Elie Wiesel's memories, "All Rivers Run to the See" and also a book by a psychoanalyst named Stephen Grosz called, "The Examined Life." Both books are studies of character and the flaws that result in making us uniquely us and uniquely human. It is oddly comforting to know how flawed we all are because too often in my life i strive for perfection and fall perilously short every time. I use it as cause to berate myself when really it is because I am human that I err. I am trying to view my negative traits as just a part of who I am and not the whole part but some of me and maybe over time, it will make them feel less dominant and scary and overwhelming. I am hanging out with friends more and having meaningful, bonding conversations with great women and I can't believe that has been missing from my every day life for years! Having some truly great women around me that I can trust and who understand me is a true blessing. I am spending my days being productive in ways that I want to be - like writing, reading, cultivating relationships and moving my passions forward. Working on me is the only way I know how to give love into the world. I hope it is enough.
I am trying to be more loving not only to others but to myself. The only way I know how to do this is to continue to do things that make me feel happy and fulfilled. I started my volunteer job at the ASPCA and nothing has ever felt more right to me. My love for animals has evolved over the years and my conviction to love and protect them has never felt stronger. It has helped me deal with the every day annoyances of life better. I am also reading a lot of books. That is always another thing that has consistently brought joy to my life. I used to watch TV every night but now its usually yoga, followed by meditation and then a good book before my early bed time. I look forward to that ritual because it is not only calming but helping me to become a better me. I am reading Elie Wiesel's memories, "All Rivers Run to the See" and also a book by a psychoanalyst named Stephen Grosz called, "The Examined Life." Both books are studies of character and the flaws that result in making us uniquely us and uniquely human. It is oddly comforting to know how flawed we all are because too often in my life i strive for perfection and fall perilously short every time. I use it as cause to berate myself when really it is because I am human that I err. I am trying to view my negative traits as just a part of who I am and not the whole part but some of me and maybe over time, it will make them feel less dominant and scary and overwhelming. I am hanging out with friends more and having meaningful, bonding conversations with great women and I can't believe that has been missing from my every day life for years! Having some truly great women around me that I can trust and who understand me is a true blessing. I am spending my days being productive in ways that I want to be - like writing, reading, cultivating relationships and moving my passions forward. Working on me is the only way I know how to give love into the world. I hope it is enough.
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