Every winter my husband and I hibernate. We pick a show that has several seasons on demand that we can watch to keep us entertained until the first blossoms bud and the breeze has a warmth in it that whispers of spring. This year we chose "Lost." We watched all 6 seasons in a month. Yup that's how bored we were. Stick a couple of snow days in the mix and we were really bored. If you have never seen the show watch it. Please. Its one you won't forget and one that will keep you thinking for a long time. At first I thought it was about people getting shipwrecked on an island. I don't know about you but anything involving plane crashes scares the crap out of me and so I was reluctant to watch but aside from the first few episodes the crash is irrelevant. At its core the show is about the meaning of life. Deep I know. Its about the time honored struggles of good vs. evil; darkness vs. light; science vs. religion; choice vs. fate. I was most interested in the idea of the choices we make versus our life already being mapped out for us and fate handing us a deck of cards already shuffled. In the show the survivors of the crash time travel and try to reverse the events that brought them to the island. It explores the idea of alternate universes: us choosing a different path and getting to see where it leads. The phrase that is most often repeated in the show is, "what happened happened." meaning that regardless of us wanting or trying to stop things from happening, fate will step in and ensure it does indeed happen. So no free choice but fate dictating our lives? Its an interesting concept. If this is true, say I chose a completely different life path - instead of having no clue what I would do with my life and moving to LA and working 80 different jobs say I chose to go straight to grad school and become an English Professor (something I have often thought would be my career in my alternate universe). I wouldn't be struggling with money and I wouldn't be struggling with knowing what I wanted but I wouldn't have met my friends or my husband. If fate intervened though, would I somehow lose that job and find my way into the world of fitness? Would I meet my husband some other way and still be married? The show says yes. The person you are meant to be with you will be with no matter what. So do the choices we make along the way matter? There is a comfort in the theory of fate ruling our lives because it takes the second guessing out of everything. Life is full of choices every day from the mundane (what will I eat for breakfast?) to the profound (which job will I take that will give me financial security and peace of mind?). If fate is steering the wheel of our lives we will end up where we are supposed to end up regardless of how many choices we made to get us there. The show also talks about choice. Often the characters who are asked to do something difficult ask, "Do I have a choice" and the answer is "You always have a choice." Really? Do we? I don't know what the answers to the universe are; nobody does but choice is something that has been on my mind lately because I feel like I have made some poor choices in the last few years. I used to be guided by an internal compass that told me what to do. I still have it but lately its had to speak louder for me to hear it. With everything I have been through I have lost my ability to listen to what the universe wants from me and for me. My sister Maggie reminded me last week that I do have the ability to listen to my intuition and that it has always guided me. We spent two years in a row vacationing together in Sedona, Arizona: the most spiritual, calm place I have ever been. It has a natural beauty and peace there that I have never experienced anywhere else. While we were there, we shrugged off our petty every day worries and let the beauty and the serenity permeate everything we did for a few days and it was amazing. She reminded me last week that I need to channel that energy again. No decision I can make is wrong if I truly listen to myself. And who knows maybe fate does rule our lives and I can sit back for a while and let her take the wheel.