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Friends

“Luna had decorated her bedroom ceiling with five beautifully painted faces: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. They were not moving as the portraits at Hogwarts moved, but there was a certain magic about them all the same: Harry thought they breathed. What appeared to be fine golden chains wove around the pictures, linking them together, but after examining them for a minute or so, Harry realized that the chains were actually one word, repeated a thousand times in golden ink: friends . . . friends . . . friends . . .”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 

No, I am not reading the Harry Potter series for the 11th time, I just went searching for quotes online about friendship and this was my favorite one -if  it just happened to be from books that I am deeply in love with, well than it was not a coincidence. I have been thinking of friendship lately because I have reconnected with some friends that I lost touch with years ago. That is maybe the only redeeming quality of Facebook: that you can find pretty much anyone and reconnect (also the danger of Facebook if you are looking to avoid a not so pleasant ex.) One of my friends is from my childhood - we met in kindergarten and every day during that year we ate lunch together at my house because he had no one to go during that time of the day. We watched Sesame St and ate sandwiches. He always had a plain cheese sandwich on white bread. I changed it up every day -no surprise there. Its funny how we remember things that seem so innocuous. We were only 5 and yet here I am 33 years later remembering these moments in vivid detail. We recently chatted on Facebook and in his message he said, "Been a long time no?" That is an understatement if I ever heard one but I find it incredibly comforting to know that 30+ plus years later, a friend thinks of you and says, hey I still remember those times and they were good. The other friend I recently got back in touch with is someone from my Border Cafe days. I spent 8 very tumultuous years of my 20s in that restaurant being miserable and carefree and crazy all at once. I formed a lot of deep rooted friendships from that time because we were all in the same boat: floating in a sea of uncertainty about our futures, desperate for an outlet for our frustrations and wanting to eat up every experience possible. We were all a bit crazy then but we had a lot of fun and became connected in a way I don't have with my other friends. We are bonded by a formative experience and I think when that happens, you will never lose it. We grew up in that restaurant and now we can look at it and see how much we all meant to each other - how we all survived those rocky years together forming who we were to become. I'm not the kind of gal that has a ton of friends. I have certainly lost many, many good friends over the years from distance, both physical and emotional, from hurt we couldn't get over and from differences in life paths. I have a handful of very good friends all of them very different not only in personality and temperament but in how their friendship functions in my life. Some of them I go to for venting over wine, others for comfort, others for pure fun and others when I want to reminisce. Friendships can take so many forms  - they include family like sisters and my parents and brothers but they also include the family I made for myself- my husband and in laws and the women (and a few men) I met through my various  jobs and whose friendships I have nurtured and cherished over all 38 years of my life. . Its been hard being away from my closest friends. When I lived in Boston, I had dinner/brunch dates weekly with my girls, nights in with my sisters and Mom over reality TV shows, and movie dates on the weekends. I miss having the comfort of my female friends so close by. My husband of course is wonderful and we have a great life together but sometimes I just miss other women. I have bonds with my friends that have survived breakups, job crisis's, family drama,and a million other everyday gripes that help build the foundation of a friendship. When I moved, those bonds didn't disappear, they just aren't as accessible as they once were. I even miss the bonds I had with the friends who are not "friends" anymore. I say that in quotes because even though I had falling outs with a lot of women I was once very close with, to me they will always be my friend even if they don't' think that way about me. Anyone who once loved me, still matters. As I get older, it becomes more difficult to make new friends. I don't really have anyone in New Jersey that I can call up and grab a drink with and vent about my day. I miss that and maybe I haven't been proactive enough but I'm not as outgoing and willing as I used to be to let people in. At times like this when I am really missing my friends, it helps to remember all the times we had together and laugh about stupid things we did and the times they made me forget about my problems and let me be my whole, uninhibited, goofy, uncensored self and maybe that is enough for now.

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