In Harm's Way

I just finished reading a book called, "In Harm's Way," by Doug Stanton. I picked it up in the bargain book section of Barnes and Noble for 8 bucks and it was money well spent. It is one of many books about the sinking of the Indiannapolis in WWII; the ship that delivered the atomic bomb that was to be dropped on Hiroshima. I am always fascinated with anything and everything to do with this time in our history and I hadn't yet read anything on this particular topic. It was engrossing, suspensful and ultimately very sad. The book mainly focuses on what happens after the ship, hit by a Japenese torpedo sinks and 900 of the ships crew goes into the ocean. Only 316 of the original 900 survived the ordeal being rescued 4 days after the sinking- the others died of hypothermia, sharks, dehydration and exhaustion.  It is heartbreaking and sobering to think about what these men went through to preserve our freedom. I've always had an uwavering respect for anyone who lays down their life for our freedom. I may not always agree with war and what this country decides is worth fighting for but I have never blamed our troops for my beliefs. I come from a militaty family - my father was a medic in Korea and my uncle an army soldier in WWII so I grew up having the utmost respect for the military. Even if they never see real action, any man or woman who signs a paper saying they are willing to die to protect our rights, has my respect no questions asked. When something unthinkable happens to them, it is like a wrench to the gut. These men that survived for 4 days in the ocean without water or food yet had a will to live that sustained them through the worst situation of their lives. The book mentions several of the men commenting that they made up their minds that they were going to live and the ones that did that ultimately survived. They mentally fought through the physical agony and the psycological torture because they believed they were supposed to go on and that the future had meaning for them. Its such an amazing lesson for me to take with me after reading this. I often complain about small discomforts and bad days and yet there are people out there suffering unimaginable tragedies. I know that I will still complain about stupid, trivial things but the lesson from this is that the mind is a powerful tool for overcoming any hardships you may come acrosss. If you don't like your life, you can change your circumstances:  your job, your relationship, your home but if you don't change the way you think, you can  never truly be happy. I really believe this. I have been practicing a lot of yoga and meditation lately because it really does help to train and relax the mind and its something I'm learning is the key to my happiness. I have changed my career, my living situation, my relationships and none of it brought me to a true place of contentment because I haven't changed my mind and thought processes. I'm working on it and it takes time and patience and consistent practice. You know that phrase, " no matter where you go, there you are?" you can try and run away from your life but you will always be there and if you don't do the work to change yourself circumstances in your life will never change. A few weeks back, I was really struggling at my job. I was having some issues with my boss and I had a chip on my shoulder because I felt underapprecaited. I work really hard every day - I've always had a good work ethic (thanks Mom and Dad!), I follow all the rules, I'm agreeable and accommadating and yet I felt overlooked and underpaid and slightly abused. I spent a week stewing about it and wondering why other people who do less and are not as smart as me are making more money and are more successful. It was at that point that I realized I had to make a decision about who I really am. I thought about those men and the decision they made to fight for their country knowing that they could die at any second. They were confident in their choise no matter the outcome - they belived in something so strongly that they were willing to pay the ultimate price. I need to be more decisive about what I believe and what I really want. I need to stop taking so much for granted and be thankful for all the freedoms of this country that allow me to make choices. Mostly, I need to trust myself and be myself no matter what circumstance I'm in. I can't let others dicate who I am and what I want. I was doing that in my job - I was allowing the enviorment around me to influence my decisions. I have do the best job I can for myself - no one else simply because that is who I am and what I want to project to the world. It is not easy and it is a constant process - I always want to be working towards being a better person and with that comes a lot of self evaluation and self doubt but its worth the time and effort because the rewards can be so great.