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Divergent

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”
Veronica Roth, Divergent 

I just finished reading the first two books in a young adult series akin to the "Hunger Games" trilogy called "Divergent." It is about a post apocalyptic world where groups are divided by the values they believe in. There are 5 groups and they represent courage, kindness, honesty, knowledge and selflessness. The driving idea behind the book is that even though the world has been divided into factions, no one is ever truly one thing. Some people may embody more qualities of one value over another but everyone has elements of all of them inside. We may connect more strongly with one over the others but we should never be forced to be so one dimensional because it is just in our nature to do so. In the book, war breaks out because of this very idea. It got me thinking about which one of these values I connect more closely to and it reminded me of when I worked at Citizen Schools. To promote good behavior amongst out students, we handed out stars that represented particular values whenever we saw one of them doing something that embodied that value. We had courage, pride, respect, teamwork, responsibility and leadership. At the end of the school year, my boss gave each of his staff members a trophy based on one of these values; one that he thought each of us represented most closely. Mine was Courage. He said that I never hesitated to stand up for someone when everyone else turned away. I always fought for the students no one else would fight for even if it pitted me against everyone. Thinking about that time I can now see how my whole life has been driven by this value. Often I don't think I'm courageous because fear is something that gets in my way but what is courage really but fighting through the fear we all have to accomplish the things we want in life? Recently, I've been afraid because I'm about to make another huge life change and I'm worried something will go wrong or its not the right thing to do or I'll make a huge mistake. I now understand how people stay at the same job for 20 years or live in the same neighborhood they grew up in- because its safe and comfortable and they never have to feel that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to throw up. They never have to worry if they are making a mistake or feeling uncomfortable and uneasy. It is easier to be miserable but know your misery than take a chance on being happy with the unknown. I've never taken the easy comfortable way and I don't plan on ever doing that. That's not to say that it feels good because it doesn't, I often feel physically sick to my stomach during times of major change but the risk is worth it because it changes you for the better; makes you a wiser, more experienced, more knowledgeable person. The more knowledge and life experience I have, the closer I become to understanding what I want and appreciating what I have. The struggles and uncertainty make you stronger. I truly believe that and I believe in taking risks. I'm not the kind of overt risk taker that likes to jump out of planes and craves adrenaline rushes. I'm more quiet and calculated in the way I approach it but I believe that courage shows up in many forms. Some people accept their lot in life; others seek to change it. I am proud to be a person that won't accept something that isn't right for me or stand up for what I want. The choice to be this way is not an easy choice and I would have a much easier life if I wasn't this way but its just who I am. I don't think I could change that part of me if I tried. I guess there are worse ways to be.

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