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“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP

I like this quote because yesterday I looked out of my window and the late afternoon sun was casting a golden shadow across a tree and it was such a serene, beautiful, simple thing yet it made me stop what I was doing and take a breath.  We forget how simple life can be; how beautiful like crisp sweet apples on a fall day. That simplistic beauty reminded me of my favorite place in the world:  New Hampshire. I guess partly because it reminds me of good times; of relaxation and laughter and vacations spent with my family, but also because it is breathtaking in its simple, quiet beauty. There is nothing vain or pretentious nor loud and flashy. The air is crisp and clean; the mountains vividly green; the lakes glassy and inviting. My Dad always said it is God's country and I have to agree. If there is a God, he spends most of his leisure time in the mountains of New Hampshire. I have seen the wondrous magnificence of the Grand Canyon, a rainbow across cascading falls in Yosemite, mist coming off of deep red mountains in Arizona and a brilliant sunset on a Key West beach but none of those compare to waking up on a summer morning in the white mountains; the serene way the sun makes its ascent amid miles of green, the intoxicating scent of clean air, the icy cold lake water as it touches your toes, the sound of trees rustling and deer scampering. There are no sirens or loud neighbors (except that one time where some a-hole started blaring Neil Diamond by the hotel pool) .It has a magical pull for me and always will. I hope that everyone has a place like this; someone they can go to truly let the cares of everyday life fall off their stiff shoulders; a place where taking a breath doesn't feel labored; a place where they feel safe and protected and hugged. New Hampshire is my place and at least if I can't get there as often as I want, I can always go there in my mind and try to remember how to breathe.
It has been 3 weeks since I moved to my new town and started my new job and I guess I have been forgetting to breathe some days. Although all the changes I have made are positive and moving me into a better direction, it has been stressful. Picking up and starting over always feels stressful even when its good. I will feel a bit unsettled for a while I'm sure but it sure does feel nice to wake up to cool breezes and birds chirping rather than ambulances and honking. Sitting in our apartment, we hear the distant horn of the train and church bells from down the road. Feels like real life. My husband and I took a walk this morning down to our little town which is right on a beautiful river and felt amazed that we live here now. The people are even nicer here - I don't get screamed out or given the finger when I try to cross the street in a crosswalk, instead I get friendly waves and smiles. The houses have front porches and flowers instead of broken beer bottles and condom wrappers. It is a huge step forward for both of us and it feels nice to have some things going our way for a change. After 3 years of unemployment woes, job and career changes, a fire, a hurricane, financial struggles and my illness, it feels deserved. We have certainly earned any good things coming our way now. . Our new town also has a fantastic little library overlooking the river. Now, I know this may sound strange but I'm not a huge fan of libraries. I know you are surprised to hear that and yes maybe it is strange for such a lover of all things books but give me a chance to explain please. As you know the reading experience to me is one of my ultimate joys in life - I have many times described how much I love sitting on the beach and reading or by the light of a flickering candle while drinking tea or wine curled up with a big blanket in winter while a storm rages. Libraries do not really allow the whole reading experience to unfold and yes it IS an experience. How can you enjoy a book in such forced quiet and sterility? They always seemed so uptight  and reading is supposed to be joyful and inviting. Would you ever describe a library that way? Doubtful but if you have, please tell me where this library is and I will go there. The Red Bank library is a little sterile and definitely quiet but they have big reading chairs next to enormous windows overlooking the river. It earns points for that and the workers there have been surprisingly nice - they are not curmudgeony old bags with buns and glasses hanging off a chain. I have hopes for this library so we will see how long my rapture lasts before someone shooshes me in the nonfiction section.

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