Body shaming

Body shaming is a phrase I hear quite a lot lately. Basically it means judging someone based on their size and body shape. As someone who has had a lifelong struggle with weight and body issues, this gets to me on a deep level. It is all over the internet. The most recent celebrity controversy involved a former model body shaming the new plus sized Victoria's secret swimsuit model saying that we shouldn't be showing unhealthy women on the cover of a magazine. There is an assumption that overweight equals unhealthy and skinny equals healthy and as a fitness and health professional, I can tell you that that couldn't be further from the truth in so many cases. First off, many women who lift weights are overweight on the BMI scale because muscle is denser than fat and ends up resulting in a higher body weight but having muscle is much healthier for the body than having excess fat. Some skinny girls have very little muscle and a lot of fat or they are considered underweight on the BMI scale which can result in very dangerous things including heart problems. In our current culture of excess, being skinny and exercising has become an obsession for a lot of people. In my previous gym, the culture was one of glorifying pushing oneself to the limit. I knew many members who ran marathons every weekend, competed in 100 mile bike races regularly, participated in triathlons,  and spent hours upon hours in the gym. One of the trainers used to talk about having a few raisins in her morning oatmeal as her indulgence for the day. Really? I shudder to think what she would say if I told her about my nightly chocolate fix. I mean these people were extreme. Do you think that is healthy? Over exercising is a real danger to the body. People who perform too much exercise without allowing their bodies to rest run the risk of burn out, elevated heart rate, fatigue, a comprised immune system and muscle tears. I knew a woman who came into the gym every morning at 5am. She started off with one hour on the elliptical and then took a high intensity interval class for the next hour. After the class, she would then get on the treadmill for another hour. 3 hours every day of intense cardio. I performed her body fat percentage assessment and she was grossly underweight and had only 10% body fat. An average woman has 18-28%. She was in a dangerous place but she refused to stop working out. It was a sickness. The problem with this is that people used to tell her she looked great. Here was a woman that was in danger of dying from over exercising but because she was skinny, people reinforced her problem. Something is very wrong with this picture. On the flip side, if someone is doing all of the right things: working out the proper amount, eating healthfully and generally taking care of their bodies but is say a size 10, we chastise them and preach to them about weight loss. I had a woman who I worked with in my cancer exercise program who gained over 30 pounds through treatment. She was definitely overweight when she came to me and wanted to drop the weight she had gained from treatment but didn't want to do it in a healthy way. She wanted a quick fix because she felt so bad about herself being so overweight that she couldn't stand one more second of it. Despite the fact that she had just completed treatment for cancer and despite my advice about protecting her immune system, she was over doing it in the gym. She was in danger of a relapse because of this but she could only focus on the fact that she was overweight; not that she had just beat cancer and not that she was now healthy for the first time in a long time. I felt so sad for but the saddest part was that I understood it. I had experienced a similar thing when I was diagnosed with my thyroid condition. Over the course of a year, my weight fluctuated 30 pounds in both directions. When I weighed 135 pounds, everyone told me I looked great. I got compliments on a daily basis. On the outside I might have looked great but on the inside my body was falling apart. Once I started taking medication to get healthy, I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. When I weighed 165 pounds but was healthy again, people started telling me the diets they were on that helped them lose weight. Maybe they thought they were being subtle, but I got the hint: stop eating fat ass! That's really what they wanted to tell me despite knowing nothing about my condition. They just assumed I was eating too much and not working out enough when in fact I was healthier than I had been in 3 years. I was working out the right amount for my body, eating clean, sleeping 7-8 hours a night, meditating and doing yoga. I ended up over doing it for a time because I wanted to get back to a weight I could feel good about. Also when you are working in the fitness industry, people are looking at your body all day and judging it. Ironically, I was in the best shape of my life at 165 pounds and in terrible shape at 135 but I had more clients wanting to work with me at my lighter weight. I was judged so harshly at my heavier weight and it was really hard. I didn't try to explain  that is was the hormones because people thought I was just making excuses.

What we all need more of in life is balance. My goal over the last couple of years has been balancing my workouts with having a glass of wine when I want it. Yoga some days, hard sweat sessions others. If I over indulge in a meal out, the next day I drink green smoothies and lots of water. During the week I cook every meal so I control the quality of ingredients I am getting and then once a week, I go out to dinner and order what I want without fear or worry over calories. I am trying to listen to my body more. For a while, doing hard workouts didn't feel good. I was in a thyroid swing and my body felt weak so I turned to yoga. I am in the midst of a 90 day yoga program and its what felt good to me. I am now on day 73 and am just starting to incorporate more cardio and weight training back into my weekly routine along with the yoga because my body feels ready. If I'm really tired one day, I don't force the workout. I have learned when a workout will improve my fatigue and when only a nap will suffice. The one thing I am still working on and maybe always will is body shaming myself. I walk by mirrors every day and think I look fat. Its also really hard when you fluctuate weight so drastically especially when it is completely out of your control. When I was 135 pounds, I couldn't believe how skinny I looked. I had never been that thin...my body type just isn't meant for that. I have broad shoulders and wide hips and I look better with a little weight (at least according to my husband). I found a picture of me with my swim team when I was 9 years old and even then I wasn't skinny. Genetics play a big role as do hormones and metabolism, none of which we can control. Why then is it so hard to accept this?  I think part of it is because as a society being thin has become a sign of financial well being. Obesity is more prevalent in poor parts of the country. When I worked in a very wealthy neighborhood in New Jersey, the thinner and more fit you were, the more likely you were to drive a BMW. Healthy food is a luxury. These people all could afford to shop at Whole Foods and pay $20 for lunch at the organic cafe. A liter of soda can cost as little as one dollar while bottled water can go for $5. Makes absolutely zero sense. When I was volunteering at a woman's gym in a low income neighborhood, there was a food drive once a week in the building next door. Many of the woman went to pick up food for their families and in the basket they received was all processed food, nothing fresh. They used to work out and then go across the street to KFC for lunch because they could get a full meal for less than $5. It was hard to watch because there was nothing I could do. I couldn't tell them to eat healthier because they simply couldn't afford to do so. Its why even though they were trying so very hard to make positive lifestyle changes, they were still overweight and obese.
There is so much judgement around weight in our current society. I never felt comfortable in my previous gym because of this. The culture was one of extremes and ultimately one of the reasons why I left. My current gym is a much better environment; more accepting. Maybe its because its in New York City - the melting pot of the melting pot...we have all kinds here. Seniors who live in low income housing work out next to famous actors and its no big deal. Many of the trainers don't have the traditional "trainers body." They come in all shapes and sizes here as well as ages and I love that because we are giving off the message that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to look a certain way or have a specific body shape to be fit and healthy. It is a very accepting and positive place and I feel more at home here every day. I think it is helping me heal from the negative damage my last gym did to my emotional well being and that is a blessing.