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Taking steps

In a few of my previous posts, I wrote about how I am struggling to find my place - the little holes in life where my soul fits snugly in. I am happy to say that I have made some progress.  The first thing I have done is to become a volunteer at the ASPCA animal shelter. I have such a deep love of animals that has only grown stronger as I have gotten older. I realized that I may not be a mother to my own children, but I have a mothering instinct for animals, especially baby animals. I have an 8 month old kitten that was starving and flea infested when we found her underneath my mother in laws car back in November. Now she is the most loving, adorable healthy kitten and I like to think I had a big part in her being this way. I took great care to make sure she felt loved and safe and it has made me realize that I have a gift for caring for animals. I want to use and strengthen that gift. I know I can't take in any more of my own animals (the inn is officially closed at 4) but I can care for them by volunteering my time in a shelter so that is what I am doing starting next month.

The next thing I have done is to start saying no to things that don't serve who I am or the path I am on. On Sunday, my in laws were all in New Jersey for a christening and normally I would feel obligated to go but this time, I said no and used the time to spend with myself doing the things that center me and make me happy. I took a long walk outside, I practiced yoga (2x), I read a book, took a nap and just sat in silence for a while. It was blissful. I consider myself somewhat of a loner in that I really need time to myself to feel balanced. I don't surround myself with lots of friends and I don't like crowds or noisy places. Living in a house with 4 other people wears on me and so when I saw an opportunity to be alone for a whole day, I jumped on it. I also don't believe in organized religious ceremonies so the idea of sitting in a church for an hour listening to bullshit did not appeal to me in any way. I have precious little time that feels like my own and I do not want to spend any of it doing things I don't agree with. You can hate me for saying that but its the truth and I am trying to speak more of my truth without apology.

Lastly, I have joined a few online groups - one is a yoga community and the other is a spiritual community promoting health and wellness. The yoga group is pretty amazing.  A few months back, I wrote about completing a 90 day yoga challenge and since then, I have become a subscriber to the teachers youtube channel and just recently, she started a private Facebook group for her loyal subscribers and I was privileged enough to be invited to join. It is a wonderful, supportive group of like minded people and it makes logging onto to Facebook a joy. I am connecting with people who have the same love of yoga as I do and the same belief in its transformative powers.  It is bringing a very positive energy into my daily life.

I am proud of these steps I have taken. They may not be mind blowing or earth shattering but they moving me closer to the person I want to be.

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